Fire Down Below by Debra Anastasia

Fire Down Below
Gynazule #1

Debra Anastasia
Romantic Comedy (?)
Pub date: February 28, 2015 (ARC review)

H/h - Johnson Fitzwell/Dove Glitch
Setting: In the author's head.
  
Read in February, 2015.

My rating:

                                             [might be spoiler-ish]

WOW!

Though it’s a good ‘wow’ or a bad ‘wow’ that’s highly debatable. When I got myself, let’s say, involved in this, I did it solely because I loved Debra Anastasia’s Poughkeepsie series. I knew she’s quirky and funny in her own way and I thought well, I can handle whatever she dishes out. But this certainly wasn’t what I was expecting! Not at all. Nah-uh!

Fire Down Below, book 1 of Gynazule series is just... plain wow. Mind blown, mind numbed. Wham-bam-thank-you...... *no, no, not into that trance again...* It’s weird, funny, queer, crazy, disgusting, insane, disturbing, yucky... I can go on and on and on and on but that doesn’t mean I can adequately express all the thoughts that I had while reading this ‘phenomenal’ story. And there were many! All I knew I can’t do my regular style of review with this one.

Dove Glitch isn’t your typical 20 something. She is the mother of bad luck, or so she has convinced herself to believe. She has... womanly problems, much like many of us but sometimes those just go out of hand. There are... umm, other types of health-related problems too, that we don’t discuss in public. But ultimately, it seems that bad luck is hounding this girl like she’s its favorite toy! Poor girl already has low self-esteem (as well as a colorful mouth that likes to speak in colorful language when she’s angry or frustrated). Her bad luck is so bad that on the day she’s supposed to pick up medicine for her, er, overly sensitive lady parts from her pharmacist, she finds that her regular, the friendly Mrs. Pills isn’t present. In fact, she won’t be anytime soon due to a new baby on the way.

What Dove finds instead is a gorgeous (and nerdy) hunk of a new pharmacist smiling at her benignly, all the while shouting her ‘secrets’ out for the public to hear and dissect.

Johnson Fitzwell, at your service ma’am!

Just like that, Dove knows her life as she knew it, is over, for she had lain her eyes on a pair of gorgeous green ones. Damn, he’s hot (even if he’s a bit loud for her liking)!

From there on, we get a really odd storyline that doesn’t follow any norm or convention, of Dove and Johnson’s unlikely yet budding love story and the crazy obstacles they face while they’re at it. We also get to ‘experience’ just how bad Dove’s luck is, yet how much she wants to be with Johnson, no matter that apparently fate has other plans for her.

There are some bizarre secondary characters too, including a cat (yes, the cat has a character); all neighbors from Dove’s apartment. And then, there was Duke.

Yep, Duke.

Here’s a (very unreliable) list of things you can expect in this story:

1. Dove’s va-ja-ja

2. UTI

3. Steve the Psycho Cat

4. Johnson’s long fingers

5. Duke

6. Sausage

7. Flatulence

8. Mr. and Debra Anastasia + bad porn

9. Flatulence

10. Duke’s hairy balls

11. Flatulence

12. Duke + D!ck cast

13. Ballssiere®

14. Flatulence

15. Ballssiere®

*wrenches herself out of that trance...*

Oh, was I repeating myself? Right. Well, I guess that’s how it was. But what I can guarantee you is that by the time you finish this novella, ‘Duke’ pretty much would be a self-explanatory word. You’d be like,‘Duke, you know...?!’ ‘Yeah, I know... Duke, right?!’ ‘Yep, Duke!’ And then, this:

But you’d never be able to complete your sentence without making that face. I couldn’t. There was also that time when I felt I’ll need Will Smith’s help with the memory eraser. Fortunately, I gave that a pass because the best thing about Fire Down Below was that it kept me hooked, entertained from page one unlike any other book was reading at that time. Even when I was agape, green-faced, bug-eyed, I was also laughing my a$$ off, shaking my head while muttering inwardly, ‘what have I gotten myself into?!’. I only know that there’s somewhat of a cute love story (because I found Dove and Johnson cute together, the b!tch ex-gf notwithstanding) and OMG, call me crazy but I think Duke isn’t completely irredeemable. There’s something about his disgusting self that caught my attentions... I can’t really explain...

Gah, I think I caught something from this story too. Yikes!! I better finish the review pronto.

Final verdict: Fire Down Below is an acquired taste. Either you’d fall in love with the story and its characters as soon as you dive in, or you’re gonna think ‘was the author drunk and high on something, what the hell is this... thing?’ It totally depends. As for me, I can’t wait for the next in the series, Fire Down the Hole. I gotta know where Dove and Johnson’s relationship is going but most importantly, I gotta know more about Duke and read his shenanigans. And, pleaseeee no more love triangle, oh dear Author of Porn! I hate them. Duke needs his own lady love, that is, if there’s indeed a woman out there who can stand him.

I don’t nominate myself. Not yet. I’m not that crazy. Yet.

(*mutters to herself* Can’t believe I just confessed something like that in public, *&@*@$**#@ infectious story!)

PS: I was unable to select one single quotable quote since the whole book was so notably unbelievable. There were just too much going on for my poor brain. Instead, I’ll leave you with the following review. I only wish mine was half as funny. Lmao

‘I always said something was off about her. No woman should fart that loud when she’s dressed up.’ ~Debra Anastasia’s mother-in-law (non-vaginal).

4 stars.

PPS: Don’t forget to check out Debra Anastasia’s instagram. I think now I know where all this is coming from. Scary thought, that! o_O


I was given an ARC of this book as a part of the Fire Down Below review tour, February 2015 which didn’t influence my review and rating in anyway.